How to Lead Through the Loss of a Parent When Life Still Needs You
This week in Lead Anew: Insights & Growth, I want to talk about something many leaders experience quietly, and carry longer than anyone realizes.
The loss of a parent.
Not the kind of loss that makes the world stop for everyone else. The kind that happens while meetings still happen, phones still ring, people still need answers, and responsibilities keep piling up like you didn’t just lose someone who shaped your entire beginning.
Grief has a strange way of rearranging your internal world while your external world expects you to stay the same.
And if you’re a leader, the pressure to keep functioning doesn’t just come from the job.
It comes from who you’ve always been.
The one who handles things.
The one who holds it together.
The one who stays steady so everyone else can stay steady.
But when you lose a parent, the ground shifts.
Even if the relationship was complicated.
Even if you saw it coming.
Even if you were “prepared.”
Because there is no real preparation for realizing the person who brought you into the world is no longer in it.
And somehow… you’re still expected to lead.
The Strange Place Grief Puts a Leader
Grief doesn’t always look like crying in bed. Sometimes it looks like sending an email with a perfectly professional tone while your throat feels tight.
Sometimes it looks like staring at your calendar and thinking, How is this still happening?
It can feel disorienting, because leadership is built on the idea of stability. Consistency. Forward motion.
Grief is none of those things.
Grief is memory.
Grief is fatigue.
Grief is sudden emotion that shows up while you’re talking about budgets and staffing and timelines.
It’s not always loud, either.
Sometimes it’s quiet and heavy, like carrying a stone in your chest you can’t set down, even for five minutes.
And when you’re the one people count on, grief can start to feel like an inconvenience.
Like something you need to “manage.”
But grief is not a leadership weakness.
It’s a human reality.
You Don’t Have to Be “Strong” the Whole Time
This is something I wish more leaders were told.
You don’t have to be strong in the way people expect.
You don’t have to turn pain into productivity.
You don’t have to prove you’re okay by staying busy.
There is a difference between staying functional and staying numb.
And after loss, many leaders end up living in that numb place without realizing it. Because it feels safer. Cleaner. More “professional.”
But numbness doesn’t protect you. It just postpones you.
Eventually, your body will ask for what your calendar won’t give you.
Rest. Space. Stillness. Room to feel what you keep pushing aside.
If you’re reading this and you’ve been trying to outwork your grief, I want to offer you something gentle:
You don’t have to earn your right to mourn.
Grief and Leadership Can Exist in the Same Room
One of the hardest parts about losing a parent while leading is the mental split it creates.
In one moment, you’re discussing outcomes and expectations.
In the next, you’re remembering their voice. Their laugh. Their hands. Their absence.
Leadership asks for presence.
Grief pulls you inward.
And the truth is, both are allowed.
You are allowed to lead while grieving.
You are allowed to grieve while leading.
The goal isn’t to pretend nothing happened.
The goal is to learn how to keep showing up without abandoning yourself in the process.
What Helps When You Have to Keep Going
There’s no perfect way to do this. No checklist that takes the ache away.
But there are a few things that can soften the weight when you’re trying to be responsible and broken-hearted at the same time.
1. Name what season you’re in
You don’t have to announce your grief publicly, but you do need to acknowledge it privately.
Say it out loud in your own way:
I am in a grief season.
Because when you name it, you stop expecting yourself to perform like it isn’t there.
And that matters.
Grief is not a side note. It changes your energy, your focus, your patience, and your emotional bandwidth.
Pretending it doesn’t will cost you more than admitting it does.
2. Lower the bar without losing your standards
This one is hard for leaders.
You don’t want to drop the ball. You don’t want to disappoint anyone. You don’t want to fall behind.
But grief changes what “normal” looks like.
The question becomes:
What is essential right now, and what is extra?
You can still lead well while giving yourself permission to simplify.
You can still be competent without being perfect.
In grief, “good enough” is sometimes the healthiest kind of excellence.
3. Decide what you’re comfortable sharing
You don’t owe anyone your full story.
But you may choose to say something small and honest, like:
“I’m walking through a personal loss right now, and I may be a little quieter than usual.”
That simple statement can do two things:
It gives you breathing room.
And it models human leadership for the people watching you.
You would be amazed how many people feel relief when their leader admits they’re human, too.
4. Watch for grief showing up as irritability
This is something a lot of leaders don’t talk about.
Grief isn’t always sadness.
Sometimes it’s short patience.
Sometimes it’s exhaustion.
Sometimes it’s frustration over things that normally wouldn’t bother you.
If you’ve found yourself feeling more easily overwhelmed, more easily annoyed, or more emotionally reactive, it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means your system is carrying more than usual.
That’s not a character flaw. That’s grief.
5. Give yourself a “grief pocket” each day
You don’t need a full day off to honor grief.
Sometimes you need ten minutes.
A grief pocket is a small space you create on purpose, where you stop performing and just let yourself be.
It could look like:
- sitting in your car before walking into work
- taking a quiet walk at lunch
- writing three sentences in a journal
- standing in the shower and letting yourself exhale
- listening to one song that helps you feel what’s true
You don’t need a breakthrough. You just need a release.
The Leadership Lesson Grief Teaches You (Whether You Want It or Not)
Grief has a way of exposing what matters and what never did.
It changes your tolerance for nonsense.
It changes how you prioritize.
It changes what you’re willing to carry for other people.
And one day, it might even change the way you lead.
Not because loss makes you “better.”
But because it makes you real in a new way.
It can make you more compassionate.
More aware.
More honest about what people are carrying behind their job titles.
It can make you a leader who notices.
Not just performance. Not just productivity.
But the human being underneath it all.
If the Relationship Was Complicated
I want to say this softly, because I know this is the part some people don’t understand until they live it.
Sometimes losing a parent doesn’t come with a clean, simple grief.
Sometimes it comes with mixed emotions.
Sadness and relief.
Love and distance.
Regret and gratitude.
Anger and tenderness.
Sometimes the grief isn’t just about losing them.
It’s about losing what you never got.
And if that’s your story, too, you don’t have to justify it.
Complicated grief is still grief.
And you still deserve gentleness while you carry it.
A Quiet Reminder for the Leader Who Lost Someone
If you’re leading while grieving, here is what I want you to hear today:
You don’t have to be the strong one every second.
You don’t have to stay “on” to be worthy of respect.
You don’t have to hurry your healing to make other people comfortable.
You’re allowed to be both capable and hurting.
You’re allowed to be both dependable and undone.
You are still a leader, even in grief.
Maybe especially in grief.
Pause and Reflect
If you want a place to land for a minute, here are a few questions to sit with:
- Where am I expecting myself to be “fine” too quickly?
- What part of my grief have I been carrying silently?
- What would it look like to lead gently this week, instead of leading hard?
- What do I need more of right now: rest, help, time, or space?
- What is one small grief pocket I can give myself today?
This Week’s Takeaways
- Grief doesn’t pause leadership responsibilities, but you are allowed to slow down inside them.
- You can lead with strength and still make room for sadness.
- Complicated grief is still valid grief.
- You don’t need to “push through” to prove you’re okay.
- A few minutes of honesty each day can keep you from disappearing into survival mode.
Until next time, may you lead with steadiness, but also with softness.
May you let yourself be human in the middle of responsibility.
And may you remember that grief is not something to overcome. It is something to carry with care. 🤍
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© 2026 Kimberly Weisner, All Rights Reserved
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